


Something Waits For You To Breathe Again

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Gen, Nightmares, question of redemption, rusty writing skills, spoilers for kotor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:49:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gann Thracin tries to come to grips with the aftermath of the skirmish on the Leviathan, as well as Malak's revelation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Waits For You To Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
>  
> 
> Written for the hurt_comfort bingo prompt "Head Trauma" -- mostly doing more exploration of the aftermath of the LEVIATHAN. Yes, I know it's been a while since I did some KOTOR fic. Please don't shoot me. XD Also, title comes from the song "Imaginary" by Evanescence -- the Origin version, that is.

It was an all too familiar nightmare for Gann Thracin, only with a bit of a twist behind it.  
  
 _In the dream, he saw Darth Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith, on the bridge of his flagship, dueling a group of Jedi. Three of them fell effortlessly to his blade -- they fought bravely, of course, but they fell to his blade -- and in the case of one hapless Republic soldier, fell to Revan's Force Choke, almost as if the man in question was unworthy of Revan's concern.  
  
Then Revan, dressed all in armor that would have reminded Gann, another time, of Mandalorian armor, turned to look at Bastila.  
  
She was younger than Gann currently knew her, of course -- instead of a double-bladed yellow lightsaber like he knew her, she had a single-bladed lightsaber instead. A more conventional style, really. Sort of like the one he had now. "You cannot win, Revan."  
  
Revan merely watched her. Unreadable. Inscrutable behind his mask. Then, voice calm, yet seeming to slightly waver, almost as if with regret. "I'm sorry."  
  
Before the two of them could even get to dueling, however, a blast of laser fire rattled the ship, and Revan fell.  
  
Bastila then made her way towards him, managing to support him barely, a look of anxiety and fear and sheer worry now coming across her face. In that moment, she seemed barely like the brave, headstrong young Padawan, but merely...human. Afraid. And even later, making her way to the hangar bay, a dying Revan in tow --_  
  
***  
  
It was at that moment that Gann woke in a cold sweat. It took a while for him to realize that he was all right, that he was safe, that he was in the crew quarters on the  _Ebon Hawk_ , and not on that damned Sith flagship. His former flagship.  
  
Even that knowledge, that he wasn't on the flagship anymore, was cold comfort. He was the Dark Lord of the Sith -- former Dark Lord of the Sith. The one who had betrayed the Jedi, the one who had no doubt killed millions in the name of achieving his goals. And instead of simply leaving him to die, Bastila had decided to...help him. If one could call erasing his memories "help", per se. And yet...  
  
 _The great Darth Revan, brought low by hitting his head on the bridge of his flagship._ Even now, there was a perverse sort of humor in it. If his mind had been so badly damaged that the only way to save him was...reprogramming him, in a way...  
  
It was like something out of a bad holodrama -- the hero or heroine, losing their memories by hitting their head on, say, the stairs. Granted, usually in said dramas, it didn't turn out that someone the hero trusted with their lives had wiped their memory and turned them against their own followers, their former comrades, or even, stars help them all, former friends, but even so...  
  
 _Life imitates bad holodramas._ Gingerly, Gann rubbed his temples. Best to go to Carth in the cockpit and ask him if they'd reached Yavin yet.  
  
Granted, it wasn't like Carth was going to want to talk to him. Carth had all but been giving him the silent treatment since the  _Leviathan_  -- and Gann hated it. The worst part was that, in a way, he could understand where Carth was coming from. He betrayed the Republic. He had no doubt committed multiple war crimes, and trained a man who contributed to one of the worst of them -- the destruction of Telos. Canderous had told Carth in no uncertain terms that he was blaming the wrong man, that it was Malak who turned Telos into a cinder and not Revan, but in all honesty, Gann couldn't blame Carth for blaming him -- if that even made any sense.  
  
It was in the cockpit that he saw Carth, at the control panel, no doubt doing some piloting work, or thinking. Or whatever. At the very least, keeping an eye on where they were traveling in case they ran into another tractor beam or something. Or a Sith fleet. The moment Gann entered, he looked up, and it was then that Gann noticed -- to say that Carth didn't look good would be an understatement. His eyes looked a bit bloodshot, almost like he'd been crying, and he looked...just plain tired, actually.  
  
"Um..." Even now, Gann was trying to find the right words to say; Carth had claimed that he'd stand with him against Malak no matter what. Even so, though, Gann wasn't sure if Carth necessarily forgave him, per se. "Are you all right?"  
  
"I'm good. Yeah, I'm good." Even now, though, Gann frowned -- Carth was never exactly good at faking cheer. The man practically wore his emotions like a Holonet banner -- all right, perhaps not that much, but even so... 

Carth continued to talk, almost as if trying to distract Gann from how he really felt. "We're nearly to Yavin. Hopefully we can get some repair work done. Then we can get to Korriban and -- "  
  
" -- carry on trying to save the galaxy?" Gann smiled, if ruefully. "Maybe. I don't know. I mean..." He sighed. "I think things are going to get a bit more complicated than saving the galaxy now, Carth."  
  
Carth seemed more uncomfortable now, almost embarrassed -- almost... _sad._  Gann sighed. "I mean," he said, "We're going to have to go back for Bastila at one point; we can't just -- "  
  
"I know, I know," Carth said, "I just wanted to..." He sighed, blearily ran a hand through his hair. "I'm really sorry for what I said. I guess it's just -- I didn't want to believe what Saul said was true, and the thought of you being Revan -- "  
  
"Carth, you're not making sense. Slow down."

That got a slight laugh out of Carth, at the very least. "It just...it came as a shock is all."  
  
"I know, Carth. I know."   
  
They sat in silence for a long time before Gann finally spoke again.   
  
"Carth -- I can't undo what happened to Telos. But at the very least, I want to be able to make amends. I want to help you find Dustil and make things right again." A pause. "I want to be able to stop Malak. Maybe help him. He is my responsibility, after all."  
  
Carth seemed deep in thought now, almost as if considering what Gann said. "You think Malak can be saved?"  
  
"Nobody's beyond redemption. At least, that's one pretty important part of a Jedi's life -- nobody's beyond redemption. No matter what they do. I mean," Gann said, "I don't know if Malak particularly wants to be saved -- "  
  
"Of course not. He just wants power. Honestly, Gann -- if he has any other passion, I don't think I've seen it. He just wants to control and conquer everything he sees -- nothing much else."  
  
"Well, who knows? He might enjoy going to the opera in his spare time."  
  
Carth laughed, if weakly. Then he faltered. "Honestly, even if you manage to save Malak, who says the Republic's going to just let him walk around freely? I mean...he's a war criminal."  
  
"I know," Gann said. Even now, taking Carth's words into consideration filled him with worry -- what would the Republic do when his identity as Revan came out? What would happen? It would be a miracle if they didn't somehow throw him in prison for what he'd done. "But what kind of man would I be if I just killed him in cold blood?"  
  
Carth seemed deep in thought now, almost as if remembering Malak -- Malak and Revan both, no doubt, the charismatic leaders who called Jedi and Republic soldiers alike to arms if only to combat the Mandalorian threat. To avenge the genocide of Cathar. To avenge all the atrocities the Mandalorians committed in the name of glory. Then...  
  
"Did anyone ever tell you you have an insatiable hero complex?"   
  
"It's what I do."  
  
Even as they managed a laugh, Gann could not help but wonder -- perhaps he did have an insatiable hero complex. Perhaps he was just so eager to prove that he wasn't Darth Revan that he was doing this. But it was more than that -- it was saving the man that Malak used to be. It was about who Malak could be -- the man was already stone-cold brilliant, there was no denying that. He had to be in order to fell the Dark Lord of the Sith. But he could be so much more.  
  
He used to be a good man. Who said the good man he used to be couldn't live again?

At the very least, it wouldn't hurt to try. 


End file.
